This weekend was really rough but I am feeling much more together now.

I haven’t done more than tear up today. (Where Saturday I almost never quit crying). If I manage to keep myself busy, I can hold things together.

I was able to get everything accomplished today (Monday) so that I can leave tomorrow morning.

I’m worried about how I will manage once the family is all together, I don’t like going to pieces like I did Saturday, I hope I will be able to maintain myself. Mom’s service is planned for Friday.

Poke’s parents happen to be in the area that my parents live, visiting for the new year and they have waited around a couple of days so that they can pick me up at the airport and drive me the two hours to my Dad’s house. I haven’t seen them since last may, so it will be nice to see them.

We told them about the pregnancy and they are very excited.

We decided we would go ahead and be very open about this pregnancy even though it is so tenderly new and fragile. If it doesn’t last I am going to need my families support.

I hope to God it grows and thrives, I couldn’t stand to lose my Mother, my husband and my pregnancy in such short order.

I won’t see Poke again until his leave in May.

I managed to get a beta today and I came up with numbers that the doctor called ‘OK’. I suppose I have to be ok with that, I know everyone has different numbers. At two weeks three days gestation, mine was 23.59.

The Physicians assistant here said that she thought they calculated the numbers differently, or on a different scale than they do in the US, so I’m not sure what that really means.

I have a months worth of meds and I’ll try to find an OB/GYN as soon as I can back home. Other than that I just have to breath.

Thank you all for your warm words.

~Sanorah