This weekend was really rough but I am feeling much more together now.

I haven’t done more than tear up today. (Where Saturday I almost never quit crying). If I manage to keep myself busy, I can hold things together.

I was able to get everything accomplished today (Monday) so that I can leave tomorrow morning.

I’m worried about how I will manage once the family is all together, I don’t like going to pieces like I did Saturday, I hope I will be able to maintain myself. Mom’s service is planned for Friday.

Poke’s parents happen to be in the area that my parents live, visiting for the new year and they have waited around a couple of days so that they can pick me up at the airport and drive me the two hours to my Dad’s house. I haven’t seen them since last may, so it will be nice to see them.

We told them about the pregnancy and they are very excited.

We decided we would go ahead and be very open about this pregnancy even though it is so tenderly new and fragile. If it doesn’t last I am going to need my families support.

I hope to God it grows and thrives, I couldn’t stand to lose my Mother, my husband and my pregnancy in such short order.

I won’t see Poke again until his leave in May.

I managed to get a beta today and I came up with numbers that the doctor called ‘OK’. I suppose I have to be ok with that, I know everyone has different numbers. At two weeks three days gestation, mine was 23.59.

The Physicians assistant here said that she thought they calculated the numbers differently, or on a different scale than they do in the US, so I’m not sure what that really means.

I have a months worth of meds and I’ll try to find an OB/GYN as soon as I can back home. Other than that I just have to breath.

Thank you all for your warm words.

~Sanorah

My Mother passed away last night, she turned 59 last week.

It’s been a rough day.

I’m trying to get things situated where I can go home now instead of in two weeks like planned.

Because the cat will be traveling with me and I need to get more meds from the doctor on Monday I can’t leave until Tuesday.

I was looking forward to telling her I was pregnant, she would have been so happy.

I probably won’t post for a few days, things are to hard right now, I need a little time.

This was taken/stolen from /unproductivereproductive

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
IVF & got pregnant

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No, I did not make any. Never do.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No (two people close to me got pregnant though)

4. Did anyone close to you die? Poke's Grandmother 

5. What countries did you visit? US : Greece : Romania, I don’t think Bulgaria counts because I lived there.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? The birth of my baby(s) full term and healthy.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 17, 2004. Retrieval and fertilization.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Pregnancy, but since I’ve already used that, I’ll say preparing to move back to the US and not totally freaking about my husband going to Iraq very soon.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury? While..err.. drunk, I fell and jammed two fingers on my right hand in June, they still aren’t completely recovered.

10. What was the best thing you bought?   A projector so that I now watch The Simpsons 5 foot tall on my wall.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? My husband has been very giving and supportive as has my sister.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My former boss, Big Dog.

13. Where did most of your money go? In Vitro + Meds and a two week road trip through western US.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My Pregnancy of course!

15. What song will always remind you of 2004? Yellow, by Coldplay

16. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? So much happier! ii. thinner or fatter? Same iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercise.. but just because I feel guilty now.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Crying

19. How will you be spending New Year's?  At a party thrown by our good friend and my former supervisor The Hulk.

21. Did you fall in love in 2004? Yes, with my unborn child.

22. How many one-night stands? No no.. I’m pretty sure my husband and I had sex more than once.

23. What was your favorite TV program? The Simpsons & Southpark (GOD! And I’m having children?!)

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yes, someone has to be really bad for me to hate them, and how I feel about this chick from the embassy community isn’t quite hate.. but it would be real easy to get there. I have never mentioned her on my blog before though.

25. What was the best book you read? The Hawk Mistress

26. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Yellow by Coldplay and Eurotrash Girl

27. What did you want and get? Pregnant and chocolate... lots of chocolate.

28. What did you want and not get? A new house.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I don’t go to the movies often here so it is hard to remember, the one I have watched the most this year is The Hot Chick.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33, didn’t do much of anything.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To have gotten pregnant 6 months ago, but I’ll take what I’ve got!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? The beginning of the year I was enjoying some of the Eurotrashish fashions, the latter part I was dressed in Infertile Drab.

33. What kept you sane? My Blog and my Cat.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Just one? I think my favorite right now is the guy from Duce Bigilo/ Hot chick, sorry went blank on his name right now.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? I try to hide from all things political.

36. Who did you miss? My Sister and H.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Dawn, she has been a big support though all of this past year.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:  Sometimes hard times can have good products.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Things are getting kinda gross.. and I’ll go it’s sleepy time.(Tori Amos, Cornflake Girl)

I want to order some books on pregnancy and I’d love to get a few opinions on what ones are worth buying/reading and which ones to avoid.

I spent some time last night trying to figure this out and my little brain just didn’t catch on. (Maybe it had something to do with it being after midnight, I don’t know).

Anyway I know that although I am physically only two weeks pregnant (tomorrow), I am counted as four. Now when I tell my husband this he is skeptical. Can anyone who ‘gets it’ please simplify it for me? I just feel to dumb.

In other news, I peed on a stick again this morning. I couldn’t help it. Thank God  there were still two lines, with the telling line being darker than it was last time. I feel better.

In other other news, seems that when I got up at the butt-crack of dawn to do the said peeing on the stick (because my bladder insisted it couldn’t wait any longer) I experienced my first morning sickness. Oh joy.

 In other other other news, I only have enough Utrogestan left for today and tomorrow. I tried to call Dr. Voyeur to see if I should go get some more and haven’t been able to get a hold of him yet.

How long did you stay on progesterone support?

-UPDATE— Finally got ahold of the doc and he wants me to come by the office tomorrow for more meds, plus more of a med i ran out of on monday.  Now why couldn't he have just given me enough to begin with??--also, it is 1pm and i havent' had any cramps so far today.  I don't know if that is good news or not! lol

------   All of your comments have really meant the world to me, you girls so kick ass!

I stopped by the Embassy Health clinic today and talked to the physician’s assistant. She said that the cramps I’m having (every day off and on all day) are probably just my uterus starting to enlarge and it is common/normal to have the cramping.

Has anyone else experienced this?

We also made arrangements for me to come in early next week (mon or tues) for my first beta.

I don’t feel pregnant, except for the cramping I really don’t have any symptoms. My breast are less sore than when I first started the progesterone, though my nipples are still very sensitive.

But that’s it.

I pee a lot, but I do that anyway.

Needless to say I’m nervous, I think I will have to test again tomorrow morning.

I guess I forgot to blog it, but I did a HPT two or three days after retrieval to see if the trigger shot was still in my system (I had read about others doing this and thought it was a good idea) and I only had the v.v. faintest of lines at that point (the kind you have to squint to see). So I’m sure it’s not a trigger.

I’m so nervous though, afraid to get all excited but I am.. excited.

I got all teary eyed reading your warm wishes. Thank you all.

At 11 days past fertilization (well.. a few hours short of 11 days anyway) this is what we have.

Photo taken 4 minutes after start of test.

 
   You don't even have to squint!  (it looks a little darker in person)

What do you think? I’m afraid to believe it’s true. I was so very scared to test this morning but my husband was so excited that I couldn’t refuse him. I even managed to not pee all night long so I’d be sure to have that good hormone enriched first mornings pee! Hehe..

Ok.. I’m going to go worry for a few days until I can test again.

I have been remiss in my posting, sorry about that.

I’m feeling pretty good, I have had :

cramps

just a tinge of nausea

two brief dizzy spells

very sore breast

All of which could be due to pregnancy.... or the meds I’m on.

Tomorrow will be 9 days after a 2 day transfer and I believe my husband is getting more antsy than me.

I have two early detection PG tests that I brought from the states and Poke wants me to test tomorrow morning. I’m really scared of getting that single line but I’ll probably give in and test.

It will still be early enough that if it is a single line, I’ll convince myself I could still be pregnant and it’s just not showing up yet.

We actually had a very lovely Christmas Eve and Christmas day. We enjoyed lots of fun and food with friends that we are going to miss terribly when we move.

Poke has been showing more interest in all things ‘baby’ and ‘pregnancy’ than I have ever seen him show. He actually spent a whole 3 or 4 minutes flipping through a baby name book I handed him yesterday. Believe me, that is an accomplishment.

Don’t get to excited though, all that sort of thing will still be up to me. I have to do all of the research and then submit my findings for approval. Hehe.

I think he will actually be pretty disappointed if I’m not knocked up.

5 days past 2 day transfer.

I’m cramping a lot today, they feel like menstrual cramps and I’m worried.

It started when I woke up this morning with my bladder full and extremely painful.

After I went to the bathroom my bladder still hurt for a long time and I lay in bed worrying that maybe I had an infection, or maybe they punctured my bladder during the retrieval.

When I woke up next my bladder didn’t ache like it was, but it remained a little tender.

The next time I went to tinkle I had that deep sort of vaginal cramp I sometimes get when my period is due. Since then every time I have gone, I analyze myself, yes it still hurts/cramps a bit but not as bad as the first time. Yes I’m very worried.

Well I have to run, I have a Christmas party I have to go pretend to enjoy.